Have you ever noticed how many times you apologize in the course of a day? Lately, I have observed how frequently I apologize for anything and to anyone. One day, I apologized almost a dozen times. It started me wondering.
According to the dictionary, the word apologize means “to express regret for an offense or fault.”
Was I really at fault or to blame every time I apologized? No. Sometimes, however, my insensitive words may have caused hurt feelings. Or what if I tripped and jabbed someone in the side with my elbow? In each case, expressing regret is the right thing to do if I caused hurt or injury.
Other times I was not the cause. My apology was simply offered in response to feeling empathy with another person’s situation. My heart responded to their pain, but it was not my fault. Why do I apologize when I am not at fault?
Here is my point: we do not need to make another feel better by apologizing for the suffering we never caused. It is not our responsibility to make them happy. Doing that is a pretty tall order!
Instead, you can empathize with other’s troubles without taking them upon yourself. You can convey your awareness of their struggle without either making yourself responsible or trying to make it go away. Doing so, I believe, is an act of solidarity with them. It also demonstrates confidence that they are capable of finding their own way out of their dilemma – an act of empowerment.
For example, when my daughter calls with a concern, rather than apologizing that she has to deal with this problem and suggesting solutions, I could listen to her story first. After an initial emotional release, a more empowering approach would be for me to ask questions. My asking her what she plans to do encourages her problem-solving capability and places me in the position of an advisor - rather than a rescuer - as she manages her own life. I think I will try it next time.
One last thought about apologies: we also never need to apologize for who we are. It is unnecessary to express an apology for our human nature, our bodies, our mental capabilities (or lack of), or anything else about ourselves.
We are all so wonderfully different. As for me, I will always have a changeable nature. That is who I am. You are surely different. I do not need to apologize for my changeability, nor do you need to apologize for your unique nature.
Perhaps like me, you have apologized when your apology was unnecessary? Notice next time and consider taking a different approach.
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A Quote of Note
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
~P.G. Wodehouse, The Man Upstairs
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Astrological Events
NOTE: These days contain strong energies that influence everyone to a greater or lesser degree. For more personal information, consult me or another astrologer.
Mon Mar 15, 5:01 PM ET – NEW MOON at 26 Pisces, Mercury conjoins Uranus in Pisces
The Pisces New Moon is a time when emotional sensitivity and imagination flourish and spiritual inclinations are strong. However, with a Mercury/Uranus connection intellectual prowess and inventiveness is added. Although nervous energy may be high, out-of-the-box thinking can lead to major breakthroughs in awareness. Communicating this awareness may be difficult and patience could be hard to come by.
If you wish upon the New Moon (within 3 days before or after), you have the possibility of fulfillment by the time of the Full Moon. Pisces New Moon wishes relate to: imagination, inner happiness, psychic sensitivity, trust/mystic awareness, spiritual healing, compassion and releasing helplessness.
Wed Mar 17 – Sun conjoins Uranus in Pisces
Expect the mood of this St. Patrick’s Day to be more than the usual wild, free-for-all. Everyone’s expression is being liberated by Uranus. Could there by unexpected conflicts?
Thu Mar 18 – Mercury in Aries opposes Saturn retro in Libra
The best laid plans could run amok and undesirable consequence could turn the day sour.
Sat Mar 20 – Spring Equinox, Mercury in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn
The first day of Spring or Spring Equinox is International Astrology Day. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Astrology_Day) Communicating with others can be difficult, so choose your words carefully or you may get a negative response. The Sun newly in Aries will activate the stressful Saturn/Pluto square in the next few days.
Sun Mar 21 – Sun in Aries trines Mars in Leo and opposes Saturn retro in Libra
Although Mars promotes an energetic start, the day will ultimately slow down possibly due to lack of cooperation. Face obstacles and move forward carefully.
Thu Mar 25 – Sun in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn
You may either fall prey to self-doubt or discover deep resources of passion and power. Either way, Pluto usually requires a sacrifice before moving forward.
Mon Mar 29, 11:25 PM ET – FULL MOON at 10 Libra/Aries, Venus in Aries sextiles Neptune in Aquarius
The Libra Full Moon is a time of negotiating between relationship needs (Libra) and individual desires (Aries). With the challenge from passionate Pluto, relationship issues heat up and honesty is necessary to maintain intimacy. Both Sun and Moon square the Nodes, suggesting that you may need to agree to disagree. Keep an open heart as you seek harmony.
Sat/Sun Apr 3/4 – Venus in Taurus squares Mars in Leo and trines Pluto in Capricorn
On Easter weekend, Venus does the tango with Mars while winking at Pluto. Sexual passions flare but so can conflict when egos get in the way. Or perhaps you would like to express your passions creatively in art, music or dance.
Mon/Tue Apr 5/6 – Mercury in Taurus squares Mars in Leo and trines Pluto in Capricorn, Pluto stations retrograde
Back at work on Monday, you may find that everyone has an opinion and egos get in the way. Pluto stations backward, intensifying issues of power and desire that will hopefully lead to healing and transformation.
